My latest dilema has to do with Nathan truly NOT caring what others think of him. I'm confused and at a loss. I work hard to promote self worth and not fitting a mold but at the same time,he just really doesn't care what people think. He got one of his boots stuck in a hole in the back yard the other day while "exploring". His boots are still wet this morning so I told him he needed to just wear his tennis shoes and it would be fine for today. The tears started about not being able to go out for recess if he doesn't have boots on and his feet will be cold on the bus. He looks at me and says "Can I wear your boots"? Now, if they were pink and sparkley I'd have said no for sure,but they are black non real UGGS. Am I wrong to worry about what people will say or think? He already has so many social problems at school yet he doesn't seem to understand that things like this add to them.
I feel like I'm sending him mixed messages. Be yourself ,BUT......don't dress how you want. I just don't want him to be anymore of a target than he already is. I worry about how others treat him and on the other hand I'm so proud that he is so comfortable with who he is that he doesn't care. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! This is too hard.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
collections and obsessions...straight from the horses mouth (and mom's)
It started with Fisher Price Little People animals. I used to "migrate" them all through the house until they reached a boat. There must have been atleast 75 animals and I was about 3 y/o and if mom or Marcus moved them out of order I would lose it! The reason I put them in a certain order was because it seemed logical that they would migrate by species. Mom and Dad never understood the importance of this. I couldn't clean them up at night because it would disturb the pattern I had created. (mom and dad still don't really understand this) It gave me a sense of control and I like that.
I graduated from Little People to.fossils and Dinosaurs that I would "raise" as my pets. Mom sat on one in the van one time and I was sure she killed it. (again, I (mom) was unsure where very active imagination ended and ocd began). Then books, bakugan,and now Star Wars and Legos and certain video games are now what I collect and yes,sometimes obssess over. Mom and Dad limit my time playing video games which is frustrating because sometimes I'm really deep into a game and my time is up. I think about these things probably 90% of the time which worries my mom. She says I need to stay well balanced and focused on the task at hand which is difficult sometimes because all I want to do is play a game or build, take apart and rebuild a lego set or fight a battle droid in the basement. Mom sometimes yells downstairs to ask who I'm talking to when I'm deep in battle with the Seperatists. I'm not sure if all 10 y/o boys still pretend play so it's something I refrain from at school even though every now and again I'm sure there's a bounty hunter in the trees outside of school that needs fighting off.
I like the security of my imagination because it's my rules and my boundaries and no one can tell me I'm doing something wrong or "correct" me. My feelings never get hurt by the characters in my imagination and I can totally be who I am. That's an awesome feeling and I wish I could feel that way everyday in real life. SO for now, I'll continue to retreat to my imaginaion, and collections and yes obsessions (frustrations for mom and dad) until I find someone who shares my common interests and doesn't think I'm wierd.
I graduated from Little People to.fossils and Dinosaurs that I would "raise" as my pets. Mom sat on one in the van one time and I was sure she killed it. (again, I (mom) was unsure where very active imagination ended and ocd began). Then books, bakugan,and now Star Wars and Legos and certain video games are now what I collect and yes,sometimes obssess over. Mom and Dad limit my time playing video games which is frustrating because sometimes I'm really deep into a game and my time is up. I think about these things probably 90% of the time which worries my mom. She says I need to stay well balanced and focused on the task at hand which is difficult sometimes because all I want to do is play a game or build, take apart and rebuild a lego set or fight a battle droid in the basement. Mom sometimes yells downstairs to ask who I'm talking to when I'm deep in battle with the Seperatists. I'm not sure if all 10 y/o boys still pretend play so it's something I refrain from at school even though every now and again I'm sure there's a bounty hunter in the trees outside of school that needs fighting off.
I like the security of my imagination because it's my rules and my boundaries and no one can tell me I'm doing something wrong or "correct" me. My feelings never get hurt by the characters in my imagination and I can totally be who I am. That's an awesome feeling and I wish I could feel that way everyday in real life. SO for now, I'll continue to retreat to my imaginaion, and collections and yes obsessions (frustrations for mom and dad) until I find someone who shares my common interests and doesn't think I'm wierd.
Friday, January 21, 2011
the last word
Nathan's need to always have the last word no matter what is astonishing to me. He's been told time and time again that sometimes he just needs to STOP TALKING. Yet, he continues on. He got sent to his room 3 times last night for this. He always needs a reason, he always needs to put in his two cents and he always needs to go "that extra mile" to get his point across. I wish I understood the need for this. It is one of the most frustrating things I deal with. As I understand it, this is just going to get worse as he gets into puberty. I've never been a "because I said so" kind of parent even though I think that's a good enough reason sometimes. His need to keep harping on a subject or explain his side is mind blowing. For example; we had friends over last night and the kids were all playing video games. Nathan is very competetive and will run his mouth constantly as long as he's winning. He does this to the point that he's annoying and I fear if he does this at school someone is going to slug him. Anyway, if he is losing it's another story. He's whiny and everyone else is cheating and it's not fair. He was told last night to "stop running his mouth"....he kept on. I sent him to his room and he did NOT stop talking the entire time trying to explain his side. I walked out, closed the door and the door to the hallway and could still hear him talking. It's very frustrating to say the least.
I worry that he will never be able to hold a job when he's an adult because he will continue this behaviour. We've taken things away, grounded him, gone to therapy....he just NEEDS to have the last word. I'm at a loss at this point and can only hope that continuing to point out that he need not have the last word always, will eventually sink in. My biggest fear for him is that he will unknowingly sabatoge himself with his quirks as he gets older. He's so smart and has so much knowledge to share and a true gift to share,if he could just learn to reel it in alittle. I want him to be happy,productive and successful so we will continue,through trial and error to find a healthy balance of what is Nathan and what is socially acceptable.
I worry that he will never be able to hold a job when he's an adult because he will continue this behaviour. We've taken things away, grounded him, gone to therapy....he just NEEDS to have the last word. I'm at a loss at this point and can only hope that continuing to point out that he need not have the last word always, will eventually sink in. My biggest fear for him is that he will unknowingly sabatoge himself with his quirks as he gets older. He's so smart and has so much knowledge to share and a true gift to share,if he could just learn to reel it in alittle. I want him to be happy,productive and successful so we will continue,through trial and error to find a healthy balance of what is Nathan and what is socially acceptable.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Not fitting in....straight from the horses mouth
Everybody has trouble fitting in but sometimes it's like trying to hug an angry tiger. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not the strongest person and I'm not the most athletic. Kids my age are more concerned with "winning" than team work and peoples feelings. For example...In gym class last week, 2 boys left my team for volleyball because we were losing. That is poor sportsmanship. It's not fair to the team and it hurts my feelings because I know it's partially because of me. I try my best and that's all anyone can do. What really stinks is that these are the same people who jump at the chance to be in a group with me during academic activities. It's frustrating because they are friendly when they need my brains and treat me like dirt when it comes to athletics.
I don't judge people by their abilities, I judge them by character. It's becoming easier to see who has character and who does not. I'm honest and follow rules , infact I'm rigid when it comes to rules. I've found myself at odds with people more than once because I think rules should be strictly enforced. If I see someone breaking them and feel the need to let the adult in charge know.....I do and that has caused problems. I'm NOT a tattle tail! I just know what the rules are and that they should be followed. (here's where mom interjects again....that is part of the AS....rigitity for routine and rules. He really isn't trying to be a goody two shoes or a tattle tail, rules are rules in his world and if someone is breaking them, an authority figure should know. Other kids don't see things that way all the time and get very angry with him for "telling".)
when you are excluded from a group it's like being a Jedi without the Force.So, to everyone who has been excluded from any group, try not to get discouraged because someone, somewhere wants and needs you in thier life. To those who exclude others, one day someone will make you feel excluded and you will know the hurt and lonliness I feel on a regular basis. I hope I am around when that happens. Not to say I told you so or how does it feel, but to help you up and let you know that I understand.
I don't judge people by their abilities, I judge them by character. It's becoming easier to see who has character and who does not. I'm honest and follow rules , infact I'm rigid when it comes to rules. I've found myself at odds with people more than once because I think rules should be strictly enforced. If I see someone breaking them and feel the need to let the adult in charge know.....I do and that has caused problems. I'm NOT a tattle tail! I just know what the rules are and that they should be followed. (here's where mom interjects again....that is part of the AS....rigitity for routine and rules. He really isn't trying to be a goody two shoes or a tattle tail, rules are rules in his world and if someone is breaking them, an authority figure should know. Other kids don't see things that way all the time and get very angry with him for "telling".)
when you are excluded from a group it's like being a Jedi without the Force.So, to everyone who has been excluded from any group, try not to get discouraged because someone, somewhere wants and needs you in thier life. To those who exclude others, one day someone will make you feel excluded and you will know the hurt and lonliness I feel on a regular basis. I hope I am around when that happens. Not to say I told you so or how does it feel, but to help you up and let you know that I understand.
Friday, January 7, 2011
My child is not broken and doesn't need fixing!
The most hurtful thing a parent can hear is "what's WRONG with him"?! Excuse me! There is nothing wrong with my child.He is not broken and he does not need fixing or "CURED".He is a bright , sensitive (sometimes overly), curious,thoughtful little boy who views the world a little differently than most. The lesson that we all could learn from him is tolerance and acceptance. Nathan judges no one because he knows what it is like to be judged. He wants to form friendships but doesn't know how. We've been lucky enough to become friends with some families who not only accept him for who he is but celebrate him as much as we do. And even though he may not be able to make friends at school very easily he does have a great group of friends outside of school. In the end what Nathan wants is what we all do, to be loved unconditionally simply for who he is. I hope , with all my heart that he knows HE IS!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Eating if that's what you call it!
Sometimes I have no idea how Nathan gains any weight. His eating habits are ridiculous. I'm guilty of cooking a seperate meal for him which many people disagree with but I'm not going to let him starve. When he was an infant he ate all the regular babyfood items my other kids did. Around age two I started noticing he would refuse to eat foods he once enjoyed. As time went on he ate less and less. I'm pretty sure he only ate graham crackers for about 6 months. lol!(ok, that's an exaggeration).
Not unlike alot of people he won't eat anything green (maybe an apple every now and again). He only eats one kind of meat,TACO! However, the taco meat has to be the same color all the way through....If the seasoning is not evenly distributed throughout all of the ground meat he will gag and has vomitted right at the table ( that's gross, sorry...but a fact). He will eat chicken fingers but only from certain places. Cereal and peanut butter are what keeps him going. He eats the same thing everyday for lunch...peanut butter and grape jelly ( it has to be cut like a "book" not at an angle because he can't eat it if it's cut at an angle.) applesauce pretzels or crackers (which he dips into the applesauce) and a juice box. He loves Ramen Noodles but only chicken flavor, cooked in the microwave for 4 minutes. the noodles have to be completely seperated. He can't eat noodles that are clumped together.
He eats ice cubes like it's his job , chew on string, sticks, faom, wood, rocks, grass, leaves, sand and sometimes dry wall! This is due to his Pica.....he can't help it and has gotten extremely ill from it. I remember reading about Pica once and thinking "how weird do you have to be to eat something that could hurt you or make you sick"....I'm now embarrassed by my judgemental thoughts. Having a child on the Austim spectrum has taught me not to judge so harshly and NEVER assume anything.
Not unlike alot of people he won't eat anything green (maybe an apple every now and again). He only eats one kind of meat,TACO! However, the taco meat has to be the same color all the way through....If the seasoning is not evenly distributed throughout all of the ground meat he will gag and has vomitted right at the table ( that's gross, sorry...but a fact). He will eat chicken fingers but only from certain places. Cereal and peanut butter are what keeps him going. He eats the same thing everyday for lunch...peanut butter and grape jelly ( it has to be cut like a "book" not at an angle because he can't eat it if it's cut at an angle.) applesauce pretzels or crackers (which he dips into the applesauce) and a juice box. He loves Ramen Noodles but only chicken flavor, cooked in the microwave for 4 minutes. the noodles have to be completely seperated. He can't eat noodles that are clumped together.
He eats ice cubes like it's his job , chew on string, sticks, faom, wood, rocks, grass, leaves, sand and sometimes dry wall! This is due to his Pica.....he can't help it and has gotten extremely ill from it. I remember reading about Pica once and thinking "how weird do you have to be to eat something that could hurt you or make you sick"....I'm now embarrassed by my judgemental thoughts. Having a child on the Austim spectrum has taught me not to judge so harshly and NEVER assume anything.
Straight from the horses mouth......BOOKS and GT!
Let's talk about books. I Love reading. I spend countless hours with books. Reading them cover to cover many times over. When I read a book series I always start with the first book. For example....I got the Harry Potter series for Christmas before I started book two I had to reread book one. It drives my mother crazy but it's just the way I have to read. I guess that's part of my OCD.
I just had my first required reading assignment for the Gifted and Talented program I'm in. It's the first time I've had to read a book someone chose for me. Mom says this will happen alot as I get into higher grades. I loved the book called The View from Saturday. I prefer to choose my own reading material but I didn't mind that Mrs. Clutter chose for us. We will discuss it as a class today.
I look forward to Thursdays and going to GT class. It offers a challange and subject matter I wouldn't normally get in the regular class room. We go on lots of field trips and I've gotten to do some really cool projects. Writing stories and reports lets me open up in my words and point of view and create things just how I want them to be and not the way someone else wants them. I'm leaning to work in groups which is not my favorite thing to do because I feel I'm doing the majority of the work. Group work used to really frustrate me but I'm learning to cope. Mom says I'll have to work with others my whole life so I need to learn to deal with it now. I know I don't always have to like everyone or what they say but I'm willing to give everyone respect if they give the same respect to me. I wish everyday was GT day!
I just had my first required reading assignment for the Gifted and Talented program I'm in. It's the first time I've had to read a book someone chose for me. Mom says this will happen alot as I get into higher grades. I loved the book called The View from Saturday. I prefer to choose my own reading material but I didn't mind that Mrs. Clutter chose for us. We will discuss it as a class today.
I look forward to Thursdays and going to GT class. It offers a challange and subject matter I wouldn't normally get in the regular class room. We go on lots of field trips and I've gotten to do some really cool projects. Writing stories and reports lets me open up in my words and point of view and create things just how I want them to be and not the way someone else wants them. I'm leaning to work in groups which is not my favorite thing to do because I feel I'm doing the majority of the work. Group work used to really frustrate me but I'm learning to cope. Mom says I'll have to work with others my whole life so I need to learn to deal with it now. I know I don't always have to like everyone or what they say but I'm willing to give everyone respect if they give the same respect to me. I wish everyday was GT day!
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