the last word

Nathan's need to always have the last word no matter what is astonishing to me. He's been told time and time again that sometimes he just needs to STOP TALKING. Yet, he continues on. He got sent to his room 3 times last night for this. He always needs a reason, he always needs to put in his two cents and he always needs to go "that extra mile" to get his point across. I wish I understood the need for this. It is one of the most frustrating things I deal with. As I understand it, this is just going to get worse as he gets into puberty. I've never been a "because I said so" kind of parent even though I think that's a good enough reason sometimes. His need to keep harping on a subject or explain his side is mind blowing. For example; we had friends over last night and the kids were all playing video games. Nathan is very competetive and will run his mouth constantly as long as he's winning. He does this to the point that he's annoying and I fear if he does this at school someone is going to slug him. Anyway, if he is losing it's another story. He's whiny and everyone else is cheating and it's not fair. He was told last night to "stop running his mouth"....he kept on. I sent him to his room and he did NOT stop talking the entire time trying to explain his side. I walked out, closed the door and the door to the hallway and could still hear him talking. It's very frustrating to say the least.
I worry that he will never be able to hold a job when he's an adult because he will continue this behaviour. We've taken things away, grounded him, gone to therapy....he just NEEDS to have the last word. I'm at a loss at this point and can only hope that continuing to point out that he need not have the last word always, will eventually sink in. My biggest fear for him is that he will unknowingly sabatoge himself with his quirks as he gets older. He's so smart and has so much knowledge to share and a true gift to share,if he could just learn to reel it in alittle. I want him to be happy,productive and successful so we will continue,through trial and error to find a healthy balance of what is Nathan and what is socially acceptable.

Not fitting in....straight from the horses mouth

Everybody has trouble fitting in but sometimes it's like trying to hug an angry tiger. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm not the strongest person and I'm not the most athletic. Kids my age are more concerned with "winning" than team work and peoples feelings. For example...In gym class last week, 2 boys left my team for volleyball because we were losing. That is poor sportsmanship. It's not fair to the team and it hurts my feelings because I know it's partially because of me. I try my best and that's all anyone can do. What really stinks is that these are the same people who jump at the chance to be in a group with me during academic activities. It's frustrating because they are friendly when they need my brains and treat me like dirt when it comes to athletics.
I don't judge people by their abilities, I judge them by character. It's becoming easier to see who has character and who does not. I'm honest and follow rules , infact I'm rigid when it comes to rules. I've found myself at odds with people more than once because I think rules should be strictly enforced. If I see someone breaking them and feel the need to let the adult in charge know.....I do and that has caused problems. I'm NOT a tattle tail! I just know what the rules are and that they should be followed. (here's where mom interjects again....that is part of the AS....rigitity for routine and rules. He really isn't trying to be a goody two shoes or a tattle tail, rules are rules in his world and if someone is breaking them, an authority figure should know. Other kids don't see things that way all the time and get very angry with him for "telling".)
when you are excluded from a group it's like being a Jedi without the Force.So, to everyone who has been excluded from any group, try not to get discouraged because someone, somewhere wants and needs you in thier life. To those who exclude others, one day someone will make you feel excluded and you will know the hurt and lonliness I feel on a regular basis. I hope I am around when that happens. Not to say I told you so or how does it feel, but to help you up and let you know that I understand.

My child is not broken and doesn't need fixing!

The most hurtful thing a parent can hear is "what's WRONG with him"?! Excuse me! There is nothing wrong with my child.He is not broken and he does not need fixing or "CURED".He is a bright , sensitive (sometimes overly), curious,thoughtful little boy who views the world a little differently than most. The lesson that we all could learn from him is tolerance and acceptance. Nathan judges no one because he knows what it is like to be judged. He wants to form friendships but doesn't know how. We've been lucky enough to become friends with some families who not only accept him for who he is but celebrate him as much as we do. And even though he may not be able to make friends at school very easily he does have a great group of friends outside of school. In the end what Nathan wants is what we all do, to be loved unconditionally simply for who he is. I hope , with all my heart that he knows HE IS!

Eating if that's what you call it!

Sometimes I have no idea how Nathan gains any weight. His eating habits are ridiculous. I'm guilty of cooking a seperate meal for him which many people disagree with but I'm not going to let him starve. When he was an infant he ate all the regular babyfood items my other kids did. Around age two I started noticing he would refuse to eat foods he once enjoyed. As time went on he ate less and less. I'm pretty sure he only ate graham crackers for about 6 months. lol!(ok, that's an exaggeration).
Not unlike alot of people he won't eat anything green (maybe an apple every now and again). He only eats one kind of meat,TACO! However, the taco meat has to be the same color all the way through....If  the seasoning is not evenly distributed throughout all of the ground meat he will gag and has vomitted right at the table ( that's gross, sorry...but a fact). He will eat chicken fingers but only from certain places. Cereal and peanut butter are what keeps him going. He eats the same thing everyday for lunch...peanut butter and grape jelly ( it has to be cut like a "book" not at an angle because he can't eat it if it's cut at an angle.) applesauce pretzels or crackers (which he dips into the applesauce) and a juice box. He loves Ramen Noodles but only chicken flavor, cooked in the microwave for 4 minutes. the noodles have to be completely seperated. He can't eat noodles that are clumped together.
 He eats ice cubes like it's his job , chew on string, sticks, faom, wood, rocks, grass, leaves, sand and sometimes dry wall! This is due to his Pica.....he can't help it and has gotten extremely ill from it. I remember reading about Pica once and thinking "how weird do you have to be to eat something that could hurt you or make you sick"....I'm now embarrassed by my judgemental thoughts. Having a child on the Austim spectrum has taught me not to judge so harshly and NEVER assume anything.

Straight from the horses mouth......BOOKS and GT!

Let's talk about books. I Love reading. I spend countless hours with books. Reading them cover to cover many times over. When I read a book series I always start with the first book. For example....I got the Harry Potter series for Christmas before I started book two I had to reread book one. It drives my mother crazy but it's just the way I have to read. I guess that's part of my OCD. 

I just had my first required reading assignment for the Gifted and Talented program I'm in. It's the first time I've had to read a book someone chose for me. Mom says this will happen alot as I get into higher grades. I loved the book called The View from Saturday. I prefer to choose my own reading material but I didn't mind that Mrs. Clutter chose for us. We will discuss it as a class today.

I look forward to Thursdays and going to GT class. It offers a challange and subject matter I wouldn't normally get in the regular class room. We go on lots of field trips and I've gotten to do some really cool projects. Writing stories and reports lets me open up in my words and point of view and create things just how I want them to be and not the way someone else wants them. I'm leaning to work in groups which is not my favorite thing to do because I feel I'm doing the majority of the work. Group work used to really frustrate me but I'm learning to cope. Mom says I'll have to work with others my whole life so I need to learn to deal with it now. I know I don't always have to like everyone or what they say but I'm willing to give everyone respect if they give the same respect to me. I wish everyday was GT day!

Straight from the horses mouth THEATER!

As my mom just mentioned I love theater. The adrenaline rush when the curtain goes up on opening night, the rehearsals and learning dances and songs but most of all getting to tell a story from the characters point of view. It lets me be in my fantasy world and still have to focus on a task. I don't really hang around many people my own age (I find them kind of annoying sometimes) but when I'm in a show I get to be around a variety of ages and I have always enjoyed being around teens and adults. The people that I've met doing theater are very accepting and don't seem to judge as much as people I go to school with. I think this is because they are all unique in their own way. I feel comfortable and at home in the theater. I have taken some great classes with great teachers who just let me be myself. My favorite was "everyting I know about theater I learned from cartoons". I would encourage anyone who feels different or like they don't fit in to give theater a try.It's not for everyone but it has been a great outlet for me and it may be for others as well. Remember, everybody is weird to someone somewhere but it just means you are unique. Don't judge others too harshly because chances are someone is judging you as well.

What an imagination

When Nathan was little,around 2 and 3 he always pretended to visit the "ABC Farm".We simply thought he had a great imagination. Well, great imagination turned into obessesion. This place became so real to him that his pre school teacher asked us where the ABC Farm was located. I simply replied "in his head". It was around that time that we realized maybe it was more than a good imagination.
As the time passed the ABC Farm did too only to be replaced with "the migration". Nathan would take 50+ little people (tm) animals and line them up telling us they were "migrating". Heaven forbid one of them wasn't in the exact spot he left it in there would be a melt down of astronomical proportions. This was about the time he was diagnosed with OCD.
Around 5 we decided to channel this imagination in the form of acting. He started his first theater class at the Ashtabula Arts Center. He quickly fell inlove with the stage. To date,Nathan has been in 9 shows and is getting ready to be on stage for the 10th time later this month. He is going to share his thoughts on theater with everyone soon.

From Marcus's perspective

It's hard having a brother with Aspberger's Syndrom because sometimes he yells when he's mad and gets very upset very easily and I don't always understand why.Sometimes I feel like I don't get enough attention because he needs so much. I know my parents love me and I love my brother and my sister but sometimes I wish I was an only child. Mom says alot of kids feel that way and she says that God knew I'd be a great brother to someone who is special like my brother. It would be nice if he didn't embarrass me sometimes though. I have to have alot of patience and that's hard. But I do a good job of reminding him not to eat things that could make him sick. Sometimes I feel like the older brother even though I'm not.

This was hard to listen to as I was typing it. I understand how he feels and wish he felt differently but he does a remarkable job at dealing with the daily stresses of being the sibling of a brother with AS. I am blessed to have a son who is gifted with so much love in his young heart.

Straight from the horses mouth (Nathan's thoughts.....my typing)

One of the most stressful parts of reaching the tween years is anxiety. There's peer anxiety at school and the anxiety that comes with being the oldest child. I feel that as I grow older rules should be more bending.(ok, here's where I interject. We don't have unreasonable rules or set unreasonable goals but having a very strong minded strong opinioned child causes conflict. Gone are the days of "because I said so" He needs a reason for EVERYTHING.) I get angry when I try to multitask "my way" which is doing chores while doing something fun at the same time. I am currently grounded from the basement which is our play room. This makes me feel like an outcast because I feel like I've been driven out of a place where I can find solitude. When I'm very frustrated I cry and growl and scream into a pillow....sometimes I just flip and flop around like a fish out of water. It soothes me to let my anger out through motion and not violence even though sometimes I want to punch something. Also, sometimes when I'm very stressed or anxious I eat things that aren't food (that's called Pica). I don't always think about what I'm doing....it just happens. I've gotten very sick from this in the past.
Anxiety at school is different. Kids there are sometimes rude and unkind. I don't have alot of friends because people think I'm different. I'm fine with being who I am even if they are uncomfortable. I have odd eating habits and often chew on my clothing (sleeves and shirt collars). I don't do this to draw attention to myself it just happens. I like most of the kids in my class and want to be friends but they don't seem very interested in being friends with me. I feel excluded from groups and don't like being the last one picked for games. It irritates me that I'm the first person picked if it's something to do with academics because someone wants a good grade for being in a group with me. It's been this way for a couple of years.
Please try to treat people who act differently with kindness and understanding. We want to be accepted too.

exceptional x 2.....why we started a blog

Hi everyone! raising kids is difficult enough these day,especially as they enter adolecents. Raising a child with Asperger's Syndrome whose hormornes are starting to change is down right staggering some days. This is my oldest child so I have no frame of reference as to what is normal "tween" hormonal issues and what is AS rearing it's sometimes ugly head. This is a forum set up to discuss issues some of you may be having in similar situations.
I'm not a doctor nor am I any kind of licensed psychotherapist,but I'm in expert in MY KIDS because I spend everyday with them. Everyday is a learning experience and somedays there are lots of tears .If I can preach to my children that talking things out helps them to not feel so overwhelmed then I can follow my own advice and share our experiences with you in hopes of shining some light on what can often be a scary yet amazing adventure. I will post often because something is always happening around here as there is never a dull moment on this amazing ride we call life.